In Your Sleep

As you lay asleep next to me I cant help but watch you.
The only time I can stare without you feeling me there.
I watch as your breast rise up and down harmoniously to the rythm of your breathing.
I watch as you place your hands on me, proving that you want me even in a slumber.
So soft do your lips look as you sleep content and at ease. Longing to touch you I hold back. 
Keeping my roaming hands to myself so you can rest.
Your a sight for sore eyes as some people would say. 
The sight of you excites the storm between my legs. 
Although I may not consistantly show it Im always thinking of you.. Always flustered when your around. 
Inside I jump for joy like a cheerleader just because you chose me. 
In return I want to be yours the way you want me... The way you seem to smile when your trying  to be mean and how your eyes wonder when you look at me. 
In your sleep your a site to see.
In your sleep you belong to ME!!

Free Writing

Poems… Yess…Stream of thoughts applied to a sheet of paper expressing your most inner thoughts of that current moment or the next. Moments that are worth remembering and holding onto forever. Things that you will want to look back on… (Time)

Contentment feeling as open as the air gliding along the ocean’s skin living like the first people as free as you want to be...

Crisp clean ocean air like the smell of fresh laundry in the closet allowing for your closet to smell as though being just removed from the dryer...

Growing trees, water, fish, all wild animals, wilderness, the open sky and all of it natural grace.

City lights Blind me in the distance clogging my judgment and destroying my peace with the chaos of my reality. Never to go back there only to stay here where I am...

You where always seemingly there on the surface but never there emotionally. Always left me for dead as I felt never allowing for understanding...

I see it there laying on the ground as clear as day. My sexuality hidden right here in the open. My love for the same sex smilling right back at me...

Put it away pack it up and leave it where it lay. Berry it in the dirt and walk away they will never accept you for this...

What started out as a nice and relaxing day with the breeze of contentment now has turned into a dark cloudy and surprisingly muggy day smothering me with sweat...

The ocean is no longer clean and fresh but now poisoned with hatred and distain. Resentment and fear now live here...

Mindfulness is present acceptance….  - Zakiya

This Present Moment

The filling of the belly along with the content feeling of nothingness fills my body with openness. Sounds of music and silence emerge and suffocate my being. A calm like no other creates a passion within that could not otherwise be obtained. Lights shining so brightly through the room almost seem blinding yet welcoming... as though there is something beyond the glow that must be found. How can such silence feel so good to the body? Wind, air, life... all flow passionately into me as my breath begins to soften. Belly rises, life is given a new meaning... Belly falls, worries and the chaos of everyday dissipates into the emptiness of the night, Smiles grow within. Along every breath is a new part of me, yearning to be seen. As i write, the sounds of music play soundly in my ears and the pen makes a tune of its own against the grain of tress that I decided to write upon. the melody of my heart pounds through the breaths I take. Less and less anxious I become and more willing I want to be. Willing to accept the CALM I am given with every breath I take. Willing to follow the light as it shines over my lifeless corps in a pool of desperation. The desperation to feel NOTHING. The desperation of life as it should be enjoyed. Beating drums fill my ears  as the music continues to play. Beating so loud that it seems like my body jerks unknowingly to the bass, yearning, starving for more. Uneasy does my breath become but not for too long. Only long enough for me to realize that the utopia that I once felt has slipped slowly away. COME BACK!! Again the tune of nothing plays over and over inside my body, up and down... up and down. Belly rises and releases me of my worldly thoughts. Just me and my breath. no one else, nothing else. Just emptiness and th content nothingness of calm. Annoyed with the sound of pages flapping as I try to express myself, calmed by the wind of musical love filling my ears. A crescendo soft enough for the smallest insect to hear and loud enough for the skies to echo. This feeling of one controls me and I am in love, in love with me and the lights, in love with the rise and fall of my chest and belly as they create a melody of their own to the beat of my breath. Though I am controlled by nothing the distraction of life seeps through the cracks of my soul and try to disturb my peace. Only in this present moment I realize that anything else is non-existent and the sounds of the earth become amplified. So much so, that it almost feels better to be unable to hear and only to feel. I enjoy the solemn NOTHINGNESS. I enjoy the feeling of my belly rising and falling with the tune that my breathing creates.

Searching Pt.2

At one point I was searching for a "boo" or at least I thought I wanted a boo. Now that I have something more than a boo things have changed. Thinking that all I wanted was for some female to come along and rock my body the way I needed it to be rocked when I needed it to be rocked. Just someone to sex my body in all the right ways. The only problem is that now I have all of that and more. I have a female that is not just a "boo." Well first it started out with me wanting to just jump her bones every chance I got and now its way more than just sex. All these years of suppression and its almost as if I was in love with women all along. Whatever it is I no longer need to search for a "boo." I know what I want and what Ive been lookin for. Maybe I found her and maybe I didnt but at least the search is over.

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Police Brutality or Just Another Day on the Job?

I like how most of the comments really took away from the essence of the video. No one knows the entire story because all that is tapped is the 16 yr old boy being brutally beaten by a group of, what seem to be bad cops with attitude. Now no matter what the charges in protocol there is always 2 cop to report to a scene unless otherwise notified. No one can specifically see him resisting arrest but we do see the BPD at its worst and that is what we need to look at. I would love to see the police reports for those officers who were standing by idly with nothing to do but watch, when other parts of the city were left unattended. I also hope that those who thought it was a game of beat the bad dog have an even better police report explaining their specific reasoning for beating the life out of a MINOR leaving evidence of blood on their jeans. I'd say that the chef of police has a plate full and some to eat because with this incident the BPD just put their feet in their mouths. They say they want to deport the immigration criminals, what about those who are actually in the police departments? All I can say is that, this is one of the cases that everyone, black or white, big and small, needs to keep close eyes on because if the BPD can get away with this then they can get away with anything.  "Keeping our neighborhoods safe," from who, them or ourselves?

Several people claim that he is an escapee but when I watched the news I heard nothing of this. I would love to see or even have the link that backs up this statement. Of course the department is going to agree with the actions of these BULLIES because they have no choice but to stand united. Correct me if I am wrong but I was under the impression that to stand united meant something along the lines of standing up for the greater good in the world, not police brutality that will somehow be justified by the department even though there was blood to prove that too much force was used. When watching the news, a statement was given proving that they victim was just walking onto campus with his sister and when the police were notified all hell broke lose. By what justifiable means in the American system of law does it condone the brutality or "striking" as some of the commenter's called it, of any human being, American citizen or not?!

Still Hurting...

Its been a while now and it still hurts. My heart still cries and my head still spins. What does it mean when you are so sure that everything is fine, then one day you wake up and realize that it really isn't. Well what ever it means that is where I am. Its almost as if I have been lost in this world of mine so caught up in what is "right" with me that I haven't been paying any mind to the real me. The me that has never been right and the me that probably never will be. I wanna start over and do it again. I wanna create a me that doesn't mind doing for herself and crying in the process. Why does it feel like in the time I need you most you are not there and in the time I could care less your always right here? I need to find a balance and I need to find it soon, for if I don't my heart might explode. I don't think that I can take another nervous brake down, or another back lash because things are not where you would like them to be. I am not the reason life has not blessed you with the life you want but I was also under the impression that you had to work for what you wanted in this life and the next. Then the most difficult question come to mind. Do I really wanna still be here? Here in a place where things never seem to change and repetition is the new "it" thing to practice. I have a lot to think about and its not going to be easy. Then again who ever said that life was going to be easy.

HELP...

HELP: n. By definition means the activity of contributing to the fulfillment of a need or furtherance of an effort or purpose (iGoogle). v. give help or assistance; be of service (iGoogle).

From my understanding a person must be willing to receive that help just as well as a person is willing to provide it. I have been placed in too many positions in which I have been readily available to provide whatever help necessary, yet there has never really been a receptive person willing to accept whatever assistance it was that I was willing to give. Take into consideration your life partner. Everyday since you have been together it seems like you are a team, for the most part, and other times it feels as though you are working against one another. My only explanation for this is the fact that neither one of you are really receptive the the gift the other is trying to provide. HELP! This goes for me too. I often am the first to say "what do you need?" or "I"ll see what I can do" and for what? To be blown away by how much he/she doesn't care in the least bit how much I may have to go through to provide my services. Its not easy being the provider 100% of the time with no one to fall back on as your safety blanket. I was once told "I DON'T WANT ANY HELP!" and the same people who have made such declarations have been the same people to search for help in other places. Is it me ?! Or is it the fact that the manner in which I provide help is in truth not empathy. Whatever it is I hope your happy because this will be the last time you hear the words "Do you need HELP?" roll of these lips. The slightest bit of concern has been wiped from my mind and now its back to the drawing board, back to square one where it all began and I didn't care enough to know the difference between what I wanted and how others felt.