Minor Confession

Why does it feel like the only way for me to write is when I am feeling some type of heartache. I never realized it until now that I feel much more comfortable within myself in times of vulnerability. You seem to try and help but all you do is apologize and make things a lot more seldom and blue. Its almost as if you are feeling sorry for yourself for feeling sorry for me. I don't want anyones pity but I would love some type of truth. If not for me then do it for you. Release yourself from yourself and truly prevail. Unheard thoughts and untold secrets traffic my mind while my love for you makes my soul shine. Never did I ask to be taken by you yet your person makes me desire you. All this time and all this work, does it really matter who's the bigger flirt. My heart hurts now my heart hurts always, little do you know my heart hurts most days. A pain so perfect not even I know why, just the fact that its there keeps me alive. This is my minor confession to you and to all, that when you call me dark your not at all wrong. I'm pale beneath this thick brown coat, to remove means my life's gone cold. This shell is all I have and this confession is what you need, I feel more free and you learn more about me.

My Life Back in 2009

Some may say that I have it good and others would say that I am taking advantage of my situation. Truth be told... I really don't know how to handle the most important part of my life, my relationship. I am so engulfed in what others may call a game or even me being a hoe that it seems like my body is creeping up and taking control of who I am and who I want to be... I love him I do but there is this man, a slightly older man that is starting to cloud my better judgment. I'm not sure what it is about him but all I know is that when I am around him, something inside of me wants to "get loose" as he would say. Over the years I have learned to tame the promiscuous urges that so often made me want to hit it and quit it like a nigga fresh out looking for his first hit back on the street. Yet recently I have gone to extremes to see what it would be like to unleash that sexual being within and I have learned that she is more than happy being tamed. For when the time comes for her to unleash her rath, all will be well and she will be more than satisfied with the man she is with, my man. January 2010 has rolled around and I have come to the conclusion that there will be no more games, no more pondering whether or not this move is the right move. He who has my heart shall have all of me till death do us part. It seems so funny now to say something like that when YOU are still on my mind, yet and still I know that nothing could ever come of this. So in the end it seemed that the best friend was the one telling me to do it for me and never to regret it. I have no regrets in life only urges that were taken farther than expected but never unwanted. Old habits die hard they say, yet I'm on cloud nine. Where are you?! ;-)