Abstractions (4.5.12)

Pictures of your body flash before my eyes.
Simple abstractions from your being, accentuated by dreams, completed by needs, and created by the subconscious, flood my ability to see.
The ability to continue to see me,
As I am
The ability to decipher we and me.
Eruptions of pleasure flow through my veins.
Cosmic explosions from your touch, inhanced by kisses, evolved by caresses and manifested by sexual deviance, boil my blood as I feel you.
Boiling blood arouses my senses
Feeling all of you now
Your lips
Your finger tips
Legs wrapped in mine
Eyes burning through my soul
Erratic rhythms of drums beat in my chest.


#personal

Together but still alone... (1.17.12)

Together but still alone...
Climbing into your head like a hypnosis
I want to control your thoughts, but when we're together I still feel alone...
Laying topless at your mercy
I want you to feast on me like a nusring child
But yet I still feel alone...
Waiting up for you all night to simply kiss your lips
Body begging to be unearthed by your tongue
Yet tonight I still feel alone...
I set my pussy atop yours and pray the sex gods will allow me to have my way with you
Create such aggression that the bed cries for help
Only tonight... I still feel alone...
When the roundness of your titties touch my face
I'm fighting my insides not to steal a taste...
Slowly my fingers find a way to your chocolate kisses
Tenderly swaying back and forth, and left to right
With all this attention,
On this very night, I still feel alone...
Waking up next to you still yearning for your body
Arms and legs mingle like a human pretzel and yet
I still feel alone...
One night out of many I finally submit to your lips
That kiss that says "You are not alone" graces my pussy with a storm like no other...
This night and only this night do I feel your presence
I no longer feel alone but rather speechless and
The moment I lose the grasp of this one kiss
We remain together yet I am still alone

#personal

Person not Possession (1.17.12)

Person not possession,
Possesions are often materials that can be replaced.
Lover not fighter,
Lovers are often willin to put differences aside for the sake of the union.
Friend first, possibly foe later
Foes are often deviant and persuasive leaving only room for lies
Admirer far from envy
Envy begets the admirer and the admirer often becomes envied

#Personal

Together but still alone... (12.28.11)

Climbing into your head like a hypnosis
I want to control your thoughts, but when we're together I still feel alone...
Laying topless at your mercy
I want you to feast  me like a nusring child
But yet I still feel alone...
Waiting up for you all night to simply kiss your lips
Body begging to be unearthed by your tongue
Yet tonight I still feel alone...
I set my pussy atop yours and pray the sex gods will allow me to have my way with you
Create such aggression that the bed cries for help
Only tonight... I still feel alone...
When the roundness of your titties touch my face
I'm fighting my insides not to steal a taste...
Slowly my fingers find a way to your kisses
Tenderly swaying back and forth, and left to right
With all this attention,
On this very night I still feel alone...

Nights Alone

Last night as I
Laid me down to sleep I tried
To close my eyes
But  your image kept persistent
I thought that If I wore your shirt
I'd be alright...
Anxious for you to arrive I
Finally drift off to a land of dreams
Waking up to your touch
But how did you get there
When did you slide by my side
And where was I
Was I  longing for you so much that I
Ignored the fact that you had never left...

Aggression

Its crazy how far just a little bit of aggression can go. I mean just the slightest bit of forward behavior can drive the human body for miles. With the grasp of ones hair and the grip around ones neck, the fortress between ours legs grows alive and hungry begging to be watered by the nights rain. Hands squeezing breast for relief, while tongues search for salvation on and around nipples like a newborn child yearning to be fed. Uneasy and geared in overtdrive the body knows no better and movements become eratic. Unable to control the need for more, bodies are now connected. One on one they ride, both bucking at the heat of one another. Almost at their peak one breath becomes two, the faster they come the  deeper the get. The deeper they get the harder bodies buck. Overwhelmed by the feeling of each other there is no earge to  stop only to make this one moment last as long as possible. But thats not possible because the storm is short on arrival and there is no rain date. Tonight the skies are gonna open up and thunder will play bodies like drums. Smooth but rough, calm but in a heat, slow and steady yet hard and in a frenzy. The untold secrets your body tells me.

Still Alone

Together but still alone... Climbing into your head like a hypnosis I want to control your thoughts, but when we're together I still feel alone... Laying topless at your mercy I want you to feast on me like a nusring child But yet I still feel alone... Waiting up for you all night to simply kiss your lips Body begging to be unearthed by your tongue Yet tonight I still feel alone... I set my pussy atop yours and pray the sex gods will allow me to have my way with you Create such aggression that the bed cries for help Only tonight... I still feel alone... When the roundness of your titties touch my face I'm fighting my insides not to steal a taste... Slowly my fingers find a way to your chocolate kisses Tenderly swaying back and forth, and left to right With all this attention, On this very night, I still feel alone... Waking up next to you still yearning for your body Arms and legs mingle like a human pretzel and yet I still feel alone... One night out of many I finally submit to your lips That kiss that says "You are not alone" graces my pussy with a storm like no other... This night and only this night do I feel your presence I no longer feel alone but rather speechless and The moment I lose the grasp of this one kiss We remain together yet I am still alone

The things that I truely love about her...

She is always in some type of mood. We all are right, but no she always has this look in her face that says, "hey, I'm pissed of can you tell?" No matter how good of a time we are having she will make it known that something, I don't care what it is, but something, has mad her feel something apart from the contentment that I thought I was supposed to bring to her life. Anyhow, she goes through these mood swings as if she could be diagnosed with Bipolar disorder. Maybe she is insane. She does repeatedly do the same things over and over, day in and day out, time after time, and she really genuinely expects a different outcome. That is the legal definition of insanity, right? One minute she is smiling and cooking dinner and the next, she is blasting the radio playing her Xbox as some head gangster or mob boss with this sour look on her face. The best part is that every time this happens, it happens in the same order.

Step one: the look and the question. Her eyes are thin slits of what appears to be coal at this moment and the question comes out in this gritty tone. Kind of like she should be gritting her teeth together and puring like and angry lion who is telling you that you have crossed the line but she will only give you fair warning this time. Next time you're dead. Her tone steadies a bit and she says glaring, "Really... Are you serious?"

Step two: the tantrum. "What the f.ck?" She only swears enough to let you know that she is upset until step three.

Step three: the storm out (out of the room or the house, whichever is the most convenient for her) She has this way about moving through the house carefully calculating her moves to keep a bit of edge lingering in the air. Occasionally she will slam around small worthless household items but trust that the rest is coming. After a while of huffing and puffing she still manages to have an attitude and she calmly states,"I'm leaving," almost as if she is expecting a break down because she really wants to stay but no one is standing in her way. Every time its the same thing and when she doesn't get what she wants, she's gone. At a fast enough pace to make you worry but slow enough to linger and become the most menacing thing to think about. And there goes the door slamming angrily behind her. Have you ever noticed that when you or anyone else is angry the objects around them become angry as well? Seriously, "the door slamming angrily behind her," Why does the door have to be angry?

Step four: the phone call. This is the final step in her rampage. She never calls. She waits for a text message or her phone call to move on to the next part of life like nothing happened. "How was your day... you gonna come see me today?" The response that she should be getting is not one of appropriate measure but she somehow always seems to get the response that she wants. Now...since the move, she has 2 favorite I'm sorry lines, they are, "what time do you get out of class," and "what time are you going home?"  Not even a "Hey babe, I missed you today. Listen I'm sorry about yesterday I just had to leave before I got any more upset." Not a chance in hell. Once her mind is satisfied life can continue to function normally.

Though her attitude tends to get the best of her, ALL THE TIME, she is actually one of the most kind hearted women I have ever met in my life. Everyday she reminds me that she is here to help.

THESE ARE THE THINGS I TRULY LOVE ABOUT HER!!

In Your Sleep

As you lay asleep next to me I cant help but watch you.
The only time I can stare without you feeling me there.
I watch as your breast rise up and down harmoniously to the rythm of your breathing.
I watch as you place your hands on me, proving that you want me even in a slumber.
So soft do your lips look as you sleep content and at ease. Longing to touch you I hold back. 
Keeping my roaming hands to myself so you can rest.
Your a sight for sore eyes as some people would say. 
The sight of you excites the storm between my legs. 
Although I may not consistantly show it Im always thinking of you.. Always flustered when your around. 
Inside I jump for joy like a cheerleader just because you chose me. 
In return I want to be yours the way you want me... The way you seem to smile when your trying  to be mean and how your eyes wonder when you look at me. 
In your sleep your a site to see.
In your sleep you belong to ME!!

Free Writing

Poems… Yess…Stream of thoughts applied to a sheet of paper expressing your most inner thoughts of that current moment or the next. Moments that are worth remembering and holding onto forever. Things that you will want to look back on… (Time)

Contentment feeling as open as the air gliding along the ocean’s skin living like the first people as free as you want to be...

Crisp clean ocean air like the smell of fresh laundry in the closet allowing for your closet to smell as though being just removed from the dryer...

Growing trees, water, fish, all wild animals, wilderness, the open sky and all of it natural grace.

City lights Blind me in the distance clogging my judgment and destroying my peace with the chaos of my reality. Never to go back there only to stay here where I am...

You where always seemingly there on the surface but never there emotionally. Always left me for dead as I felt never allowing for understanding...

I see it there laying on the ground as clear as day. My sexuality hidden right here in the open. My love for the same sex smilling right back at me...

Put it away pack it up and leave it where it lay. Berry it in the dirt and walk away they will never accept you for this...

What started out as a nice and relaxing day with the breeze of contentment now has turned into a dark cloudy and surprisingly muggy day smothering me with sweat...

The ocean is no longer clean and fresh but now poisoned with hatred and distain. Resentment and fear now live here...

Mindfulness is present acceptance….  - Zakiya

This Present Moment

The filling of the belly along with the content feeling of nothingness fills my body with openness. Sounds of music and silence emerge and suffocate my being. A calm like no other creates a passion within that could not otherwise be obtained. Lights shining so brightly through the room almost seem blinding yet welcoming... as though there is something beyond the glow that must be found. How can such silence feel so good to the body? Wind, air, life... all flow passionately into me as my breath begins to soften. Belly rises, life is given a new meaning... Belly falls, worries and the chaos of everyday dissipates into the emptiness of the night, Smiles grow within. Along every breath is a new part of me, yearning to be seen. As i write, the sounds of music play soundly in my ears and the pen makes a tune of its own against the grain of tress that I decided to write upon. the melody of my heart pounds through the breaths I take. Less and less anxious I become and more willing I want to be. Willing to accept the CALM I am given with every breath I take. Willing to follow the light as it shines over my lifeless corps in a pool of desperation. The desperation to feel NOTHING. The desperation of life as it should be enjoyed. Beating drums fill my ears  as the music continues to play. Beating so loud that it seems like my body jerks unknowingly to the bass, yearning, starving for more. Uneasy does my breath become but not for too long. Only long enough for me to realize that the utopia that I once felt has slipped slowly away. COME BACK!! Again the tune of nothing plays over and over inside my body, up and down... up and down. Belly rises and releases me of my worldly thoughts. Just me and my breath. no one else, nothing else. Just emptiness and th content nothingness of calm. Annoyed with the sound of pages flapping as I try to express myself, calmed by the wind of musical love filling my ears. A crescendo soft enough for the smallest insect to hear and loud enough for the skies to echo. This feeling of one controls me and I am in love, in love with me and the lights, in love with the rise and fall of my chest and belly as they create a melody of their own to the beat of my breath. Though I am controlled by nothing the distraction of life seeps through the cracks of my soul and try to disturb my peace. Only in this present moment I realize that anything else is non-existent and the sounds of the earth become amplified. So much so, that it almost feels better to be unable to hear and only to feel. I enjoy the solemn NOTHINGNESS. I enjoy the feeling of my belly rising and falling with the tune that my breathing creates.

Searching Pt.2

At one point I was searching for a "boo" or at least I thought I wanted a boo. Now that I have something more than a boo things have changed. Thinking that all I wanted was for some female to come along and rock my body the way I needed it to be rocked when I needed it to be rocked. Just someone to sex my body in all the right ways. The only problem is that now I have all of that and more. I have a female that is not just a "boo." Well first it started out with me wanting to just jump her bones every chance I got and now its way more than just sex. All these years of suppression and its almost as if I was in love with women all along. Whatever it is I no longer need to search for a "boo." I know what I want and what Ive been lookin for. Maybe I found her and maybe I didnt but at least the search is over.

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Police Brutality or Just Another Day on the Job?

I like how most of the comments really took away from the essence of the video. No one knows the entire story because all that is tapped is the 16 yr old boy being brutally beaten by a group of, what seem to be bad cops with attitude. Now no matter what the charges in protocol there is always 2 cop to report to a scene unless otherwise notified. No one can specifically see him resisting arrest but we do see the BPD at its worst and that is what we need to look at. I would love to see the police reports for those officers who were standing by idly with nothing to do but watch, when other parts of the city were left unattended. I also hope that those who thought it was a game of beat the bad dog have an even better police report explaining their specific reasoning for beating the life out of a MINOR leaving evidence of blood on their jeans. I'd say that the chef of police has a plate full and some to eat because with this incident the BPD just put their feet in their mouths. They say they want to deport the immigration criminals, what about those who are actually in the police departments? All I can say is that, this is one of the cases that everyone, black or white, big and small, needs to keep close eyes on because if the BPD can get away with this then they can get away with anything.  "Keeping our neighborhoods safe," from who, them or ourselves?

Several people claim that he is an escapee but when I watched the news I heard nothing of this. I would love to see or even have the link that backs up this statement. Of course the department is going to agree with the actions of these BULLIES because they have no choice but to stand united. Correct me if I am wrong but I was under the impression that to stand united meant something along the lines of standing up for the greater good in the world, not police brutality that will somehow be justified by the department even though there was blood to prove that too much force was used. When watching the news, a statement was given proving that they victim was just walking onto campus with his sister and when the police were notified all hell broke lose. By what justifiable means in the American system of law does it condone the brutality or "striking" as some of the commenter's called it, of any human being, American citizen or not?!

Still Hurting...

Its been a while now and it still hurts. My heart still cries and my head still spins. What does it mean when you are so sure that everything is fine, then one day you wake up and realize that it really isn't. Well what ever it means that is where I am. Its almost as if I have been lost in this world of mine so caught up in what is "right" with me that I haven't been paying any mind to the real me. The me that has never been right and the me that probably never will be. I wanna start over and do it again. I wanna create a me that doesn't mind doing for herself and crying in the process. Why does it feel like in the time I need you most you are not there and in the time I could care less your always right here? I need to find a balance and I need to find it soon, for if I don't my heart might explode. I don't think that I can take another nervous brake down, or another back lash because things are not where you would like them to be. I am not the reason life has not blessed you with the life you want but I was also under the impression that you had to work for what you wanted in this life and the next. Then the most difficult question come to mind. Do I really wanna still be here? Here in a place where things never seem to change and repetition is the new "it" thing to practice. I have a lot to think about and its not going to be easy. Then again who ever said that life was going to be easy.

HELP...

HELP: n. By definition means the activity of contributing to the fulfillment of a need or furtherance of an effort or purpose (iGoogle). v. give help or assistance; be of service (iGoogle).

From my understanding a person must be willing to receive that help just as well as a person is willing to provide it. I have been placed in too many positions in which I have been readily available to provide whatever help necessary, yet there has never really been a receptive person willing to accept whatever assistance it was that I was willing to give. Take into consideration your life partner. Everyday since you have been together it seems like you are a team, for the most part, and other times it feels as though you are working against one another. My only explanation for this is the fact that neither one of you are really receptive the the gift the other is trying to provide. HELP! This goes for me too. I often am the first to say "what do you need?" or "I"ll see what I can do" and for what? To be blown away by how much he/she doesn't care in the least bit how much I may have to go through to provide my services. Its not easy being the provider 100% of the time with no one to fall back on as your safety blanket. I was once told "I DON'T WANT ANY HELP!" and the same people who have made such declarations have been the same people to search for help in other places. Is it me ?! Or is it the fact that the manner in which I provide help is in truth not empathy. Whatever it is I hope your happy because this will be the last time you hear the words "Do you need HELP?" roll of these lips. The slightest bit of concern has been wiped from my mind and now its back to the drawing board, back to square one where it all began and I didn't care enough to know the difference between what I wanted and how others felt.

Friendship... NOT!!!!

Have you ever come to a time where your "friends" will ask of something from you, and without hesitation you jump at the opportunity to help a friend ?! Well that is me, the one who is always willing to help out a "friend" at the cost of my own misery. Why I continue to allow myself to be fooled by this culprit called friendship I don't know, but I do know that after this encounter things will have to change. Anytime you call and I am available I come running, even if I have to make the time I will be there without hesitation. I have even spent my last dime at your expense only to prove my loyalty as a "friend" and still you turn the other cheek when I am the one in need. Your my best friend... Not!!
You are the one I run to when there is trouble... Not!!
Your are the one I call when I need a shoulder to cry on... Not!!
Your are My Best Friend... Of Course Not!!
That title is only given to the persons who are willing to take my life into their hands as if it were their own. The persons who are willing to do for me what I am willing to do for then and that much more. From here on out I will closely monitor my decisions and grant only those who are worthy of my friendship, my heart. You who are not worthy will be left behind with the rest of the nothingness and emptiness in my past. For now I say, I'll be watching you. What moves will you make from here on out ?!

Minor Confession

Why does it feel like the only way for me to write is when I am feeling some type of heartache. I never realized it until now that I feel much more comfortable within myself in times of vulnerability. You seem to try and help but all you do is apologize and make things a lot more seldom and blue. Its almost as if you are feeling sorry for yourself for feeling sorry for me. I don't want anyones pity but I would love some type of truth. If not for me then do it for you. Release yourself from yourself and truly prevail. Unheard thoughts and untold secrets traffic my mind while my love for you makes my soul shine. Never did I ask to be taken by you yet your person makes me desire you. All this time and all this work, does it really matter who's the bigger flirt. My heart hurts now my heart hurts always, little do you know my heart hurts most days. A pain so perfect not even I know why, just the fact that its there keeps me alive. This is my minor confession to you and to all, that when you call me dark your not at all wrong. I'm pale beneath this thick brown coat, to remove means my life's gone cold. This shell is all I have and this confession is what you need, I feel more free and you learn more about me.

My Life Back in 2009

Some may say that I have it good and others would say that I am taking advantage of my situation. Truth be told... I really don't know how to handle the most important part of my life, my relationship. I am so engulfed in what others may call a game or even me being a hoe that it seems like my body is creeping up and taking control of who I am and who I want to be... I love him I do but there is this man, a slightly older man that is starting to cloud my better judgment. I'm not sure what it is about him but all I know is that when I am around him, something inside of me wants to "get loose" as he would say. Over the years I have learned to tame the promiscuous urges that so often made me want to hit it and quit it like a nigga fresh out looking for his first hit back on the street. Yet recently I have gone to extremes to see what it would be like to unleash that sexual being within and I have learned that she is more than happy being tamed. For when the time comes for her to unleash her rath, all will be well and she will be more than satisfied with the man she is with, my man. January 2010 has rolled around and I have come to the conclusion that there will be no more games, no more pondering whether or not this move is the right move. He who has my heart shall have all of me till death do us part. It seems so funny now to say something like that when YOU are still on my mind, yet and still I know that nothing could ever come of this. So in the end it seemed that the best friend was the one telling me to do it for me and never to regret it. I have no regrets in life only urges that were taken farther than expected but never unwanted. Old habits die hard they say, yet I'm on cloud nine. Where are you?! ;-)

Poor Little Lonely Girl

Alone and so young... 

Rowe wakes up daily wishing that someone would understand that just because of her dark hair and pale skin, she is not at all bitter, but she is a sweet girl inside...

At the raw young age of 16 she has been without companionship for a very longtime.

Her mother and father were both killed 3 yrs earlier due to accusations of wizardry.

Poor Rowe...

Who will save her !!?

Scene 1:  

Rowe: When will they get it? She asks with a slightly puzzled look.
Woman: They will not because they do not care for anyone who is not them.
Rowe: Why are you so cruel? 
Woman: Because you are so young and stupid that you don't understand that you have been on your own for a very long time. No one cares to understand you.
Rowe: Will you help me be like you? Strong and knowledgeable. Understood!!
Woman: ::Sly grin on the face:: Of course my child, come let me have a taste & will be forever powerful and UNDERSTOOD... 


TO BE CONTINUED...

FUNNY HOW...

Its funny how people change there colors every night and day...
Funny how they say one thing and mean another...
Funny how they are so nice to you when you do something for them and mad when the deed is done...
Funny how they tell you to be honest, and throw a fit when your being real...
Funny how they encourage you to be who you are, yet critique your every move...
Its more than funny how nice you can be to others...
Funny how you bend over backward for them and get nothing in return...
Funny how you offer a helping hand, and get mentally sh.t on...
Funny how you can turn your life around, and they put you back in the same head space...
Funny how how you allow them to do so...
Life in its self is funny, and
its funny how I seem to just figure that out.