Wondering

Have u ever just sat and looked out the window....
Watched the sun and the clouds as they transform the sky into its own picture show...
Watched the stars in the night sky as they light the way for many a traveler...
Well today I looked out the window and I saw life...
Birds flying...
Children playing...
Water swaying...And
Air Breezing...
I saw a bit of life today and I wanted to be free...
Free from all of my human inhibitions...
Free from all responsibilities that deem me adult...
Just for today I wanted to get away from reality and be whatever I could dream...
Fly with the birds...
Play with the children....And
Sway in the water, all at the same time...
I am always wondering what if feels like not to wonder...
What it feels like to just be...

College Graduation

Where do we go from here!? I mean when you leave high school the choice is simple, college or not. But when you are about to graduate from college, Where do you go from there? The anticipation creeps up like a serpent in the night grass and the confusion of not knowing what you next step is, clouds around you like the fog of a new storm. I guess this is what happens when you go into college thinking that you are going to do so many great things with your life and all of a sudden you are hit with what seems like and invisible wall. I went into the whole college thing thinking that if I did it and got it over with, I wouldn't have to worry about it later but the reality of it is that my college education is going to follow me all throughout my life. The worst part is that it is not going to remotely help my achieve an entry-level job that will enable me a better future. Currently in this world we are disillusioned with the thought that college will better us as human beings when in reality college seemingly delays the grown to adulthood. I can only speak from experience but even with college level experience, entry-level work is scarce. You are put through vigorous training for weeks only to find out that you didn't get the job. Now its back to square one and the same B.S. all over again. So again the question comes up, Where do I go from here? I think I will do some community work or something of the sort. Maybe city year or americorps, whatever will enable me to stand on my own two feet until I can acquire an actual career. But until then there is only my College Graduation...

Beauty.... (Original Painting)

Throughout life I have overcome many obstacles and have fought off myself and things that would cloud my better judgment and that is exactly what this painting means to me. Not only in life will you meet obstacles because of others but the main person you tend to fight off is yourself. I am constantly in a struggle, wanting so badly for me to get passed this one mark, yet my body doesn’t allow it. The darker colors indicate that I have been living in darkness and have never seen anything as more than a shadow until it has been brought to light. It’s almost like I see things in shades of grey due to the fact that I have allowed myself to. Struggling to get my emotions across I used many dark colors and the simple but very effective contrast of black and white backgrounds. Hesitant to use bright colors I played with light blues and greys on the black background and orange on the white background.

The title is beauty because there is no actual image of what beauty is supposed to look like. If beauty comes from within than how could I be wrong for naming my painting beauty because it is what I am trying to portray. Honestly the confusion in the painting indicates the confusion I am faced with everyday, being that at one point I am happy and the next I can become so seldom and blue. Most of my inspiration came from looking back at Jackson Pollock’s work and a hint of looking at Jim Dine’s work. I realized that what I wanted to incorporate in my painting had stopped me from seeing things any other way and looking back at Jackson Pollock’s Mural I realized that I didn’t have to burden myself with such a simple one dimensional piece. It still amazes me how he could just put paint to canvase and the result would be worth millions.

During the process I have received more than enough critisicm from not only friends but from a woman who feels that everything she said should be set in stone, my mother. At several points in my work she would tell me what was good and was was bad, what she really liked and what she thought was foolish and thought I should get rid of or do over. I loved the honesty so I asked others what they thought and I received a variation of critiques. In one corner I received some what uninterested feedback, I was told that my work was too bland and that my choice of colors was to dark which kept the painting from grabbing the interest of the critic. More or less like a kid had done the painting. In another corner I received very positive feedback. In this instance I was told that my work was great and is reminiscent of a party atmosphere. I was also told that the effects of my brush strokes gave my work raw appeal and that there were many aspects that could be debated against in what the painting could be interpreting. There were several transformations during the process and I love every one of the. The most exciting piece of criticism I received was the fact that someone was honest enough to tell me up front that they completely loved the transformation from start to finish. They also loved the fact that there is no particular way to look at the painting because as in beauty everyone is able to decipher things differently.    

As every piece of critisicm is important to me the most important critic that I struggled to impress throughout this journey was I. I will admit that during this process I second guessed my self greatly until I started to see things that I would have never seen pre fine arts. Now in the final stages of this class I am more comfortable with my artistic side and have come to love my piece  for what it is… BEAUTY!

Missing My True Love...

Keep writing they say, its the only way you will ever be able to start anything... Even if you write a million words on piece of  paper that mean nothing, just keep writing...

Well guess what, I have tried it over and over again hoping to gain some type of energy from it and the only energy I received was the negative energy that came out of me for wasting my damn time writing nothing on a piece of paper. 

All I want to do is write again, I want to be able to sit down and lose myself in my own words... 

Go to a place where reality doesn't matter and my peace of mind reigns...

Gain excitement from what will come next...

Yet all I can do is yern for that feeling because writing has seemed to become a thing in my past, something that has faded away with the times and is lost in the dark...

One day I will find my true love again and we will be reunited...

But until then I will dream of the day...

M.S.P

Misunderstanding.... Seperation.... Pain....

What do I do when my heart screams yes and my mind screams FiiX IT....

Its like nothing will ever seem to get better...

 It almost seems as though I'm sinking into a pool of quick sand

And instead of being calm enough to figure out a way to be free...

I wigg out and die!!!!

Who is to say that there is is no solution?...

BUT...

Who is to say that there IS?...

Life is full of surprises and struggle...

This I know ...

Yet...

I can never seem to fit the pieces where they belong!!!!

Love's Pain

Hurt and Abused
Lost and Confused
What to do... What to say
I have all of me to lose

He hears my cries and
He dries my eyes
But does he realize that
Inside I still die

Heart whimpering
Day by Day
Never again will
I know love's pain...

Do I let go and fall
Unitl my end or
Hold on for life
And fear you
Again!!!

Forbbiden Love

You close your eyes

A silent cry releases itself from within

Untamed & uncontrolled you begin to ball

Eyes wide shut at the sight of my bare back

Words lynched by the vocal chords of a heart shattered

Heart beating to the rythm of silence

An eire nothingness finds comfort in your soul

Bleeding eyes now peircing me with distain

Hunger at its peak follows in a rage

Shards of clothing released into the darkness

Cuts, scrapes & gashes fill my helpless corps

It midnight... The moon glows

MUTE!!

Not so much...

Moans of seduction & lust

Flashes of what is not yet, But what really is...

That night we made LOVE!!

Oh yeah and it was forbbiden.

The VaMpTrEsS & The WeReWoLf

Now thats love Everlasting!!!!

Zakiya